Customer  : Waiter, do you serve crabs?

Waiter    : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.


Customer  : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?

Waiter    : Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer  : No, I can't.

  Waiter    : Then does it really matter?

Customer  : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.

Waiter    : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer  : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

Waiter    :  That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.


Customer  : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.

Waiter    :  So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?



Customer  : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?

  Waiter    : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.


Customer  : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.

Waiter : Funny?  But why aren't you laughing?

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

Son  : Well, where did you get mummy then? 


Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.


Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?

Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.



Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband   : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife  : Yes and no.


The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"

"Sure," replied her lover "What's your phone number?"