I like your 'learning' (observing and considering) about yourself. I have had issues like yours but I stopped 'blaming myself and mara'. I watched and learned my ugly (akusala) thoughts. I told (and still tell) myself 'don't do that (bad action) and do this (good action) instead' or 'don't keep on thinking that (bad thought) and think about this (good thought) or brathing instead'.

I am still learning and practicing ;-)