My Experience in Beijing : Our Memories Fill a Hole inside My Heart​

ผมได้มีโอกาสไปสัมมนาเกี่ยวกับเศรษฐศาสตร์ที่บัณฑิตวิทยาลัย (Graduate School) ของสถาบัน Chinese Academy of Social Sciences (CASS) ที่กรุงปักกิ่ง ประเทศจีน

และได้เขียนบทความความประทับใจที่มีต่อการสัมมนาครั้งนี้ให้ทีมงานอ่าน ผมจึงเอามาเผยแพร่ ณ ที่แห่งนี้ เพื่อเก็บไว้เป็นความทรงจำหนึ่งของผมด้วย

My Experience in Beijing : Our Memories Fill a Hole inside My Heart

“An empty street…
An empty house…
A hole inside my heart…
I’m all alone…
he rooms are getting smaller…”

I feel like this song because our time is up... Everyone knows the characteristics of time. Time never stop. Time speeds up when we are happy. Our time is limited. Everyone has their own time that they can do anything. There are around 30 persons including me spend their time together in one month. Even though one month is just few percent of lifetime, the memories in one month are priceless. I'm just a nobody, have nothing and not a special one but I had a good opportunity.

One month of various memories, sometimes heart was beating, sometimes heart was pounding, and sometimes heart was warm. The heart is the best organ for explaining your feelings. Writing is just only one of instruments that use for tell something from your heart to others. No one can ever truly know what is in a person’s mind until they tell or write something to someone. That's why I have to write this essay. So I think all staff should write and send it to me because I also want to know your feelings =)

This essay made from my heart and my brain. It’s unable to exist everything from my heart but I did my best. Firstly, I have to apologize because my brain is not good in English. The 3,000 words essay in English is very hard for me, although it's just my impression. I have to write and check grammar on Google many times but I didn't check grammar in some part. So I suggest you while you read it, you should remind the time that we had together. It’s better for you to read my mind. I hope you will understand what I want to tell you. If you don't understand please ask me via WeChat!

Now I’m going to explain my memories…

The journey make me both excited and worry because I have never travelled by international flight before. I don’t know how to prepare myself, how to do VISA, how to find the place, and how to live and behave in Beijing. No matter how difficult and hard something is, I have you. You make it that much easier for me to live with you.

When I arrived the airport, I met the first memory general supervisor. He picked me up and took me to the dorm. Then I found two memory managers. They warmly welcome me and told me how to live here.

Everything starts here, the place I called “Kingdom of Memories”. First day of memories, the managers guided us what kind of memory we will get it back, how to keep it, who is the memory participants and the time we have. Next days, there are 2 kinds of memories.

The first one is semantic memory that we got it in weekdays. We received a lot of knowledge from memory experts. The attention of experts and the keenness of participants made me want to be a wise person. I don’t want to talk about these memories too much because it’s too serious and sometimes I didn’t understand and fell asleep. However, it doesn’t mean the lectures were not good or something went wrong but it happened because of my bad in English skill. Under the low skill in English, although I want to ask any question, I'm not brave enough to do.

All of lectures let me know about China and cause me interest and love in China. Fortunately, I’m finding my thesis topic and I can choose any topics from lectures so that I will learn more about China. Moreover, it causes me want to learn Chinese language. In the future, I hope we will have a chance to talk Chinese together.

Every lecture days, when I wake up, I have to decide that I will sleep more or go to have breakfast. Many times I choose the first one because of my laziness. My favorite activities in this kingdom is sleeping, eating, shopping in supermarket, playing badminton, and talking with everyone, especially in Chinese.

This kingdom’s so vast and peaceful. The administrator building I studied, the library and the dormitory I slept, the dining hall I ate foods, the supermarket I shopped, and the gymnasium I played badminton remind me of someone I have known. One month at here teach me a lot of things and make me want to live more.

I feel attached to this place and its people…

“…I try to read…
I go to work…
I’m laughing with my friends…
But I can’t stop to keep myself from thinking…”

There are many differences between this kingdom and my hometown. There are some things that I think this place should have. The first is market for street foods like noodle cart behind dorm because there are a lot of street foods in my hometown and it makes the place enjoyable. The second is bookstore because the bookstore is one of my favorite part of the college. The last one is that I want more shop and more restaurant because this place’s too scary at night!

Another kind of memories is sensory memory that we got it in weekends and the week in Yunnan. We went out to many special and historical places. Different places have different memories and different feelings. It depends on what you see, what you touch, and who you walk with.

When I know weekend schedule, I’m so exciting and looking forward to the weekend. The most favorite weekend is the weekend that we went to hot spring and slept outside the kingdom because we spent time together longer. We also had a good dinner with good atmosphere. We sang a song, danced, talked, drank, and were drunk together. I’m so sorry for throwing up the beer. I hope I have the chance to drink with you again.

For the other places, “Hot, crowded, and tired”, these are three words for feelings of traveling in Beijing. Nevertheless, three weeks in Beijing, we visited many places. From Tiananmen Square the first place to Nanluoguxiang the last place I travelled, I enjoyed shopping and bought a lot of stuffs that cause my luggage to be overweight. Thanks everyone for helping me to keep all stuffs orderly before I went back home. This is one of impression in this trip.

Before we went to Yunnan province I think we will climb up to the mountain, visit rural village, and meet the minorities. By the way, the expectations couldn’t become the truth. One week in Yunnan, we spent so much time commuting and spent a little time walking. Almost the places that we visited are buildings and parks. The environments of some part of this province look like countryside in my country. All of this made me not so much surprised. Nonetheless, the Yunnan staffs are very warm welcome and the weather made me feel refresh.

The best things here I love are the hotels, the meals and the flight. The hotels are so luxurious. The meals are so delicious. The flight is so entertaining because of movies. I feel surprised when I saw Thai movie that’s opening on the television on our flight. The title of movie is “Love H2O” in English or “Khon-Oak-Hak” (it means broken-hearted people) in Thai. Some part of movie have been shot in Lijiang, Kunming. The locations are so beautiful and look like the places that I imagined at first.

There are a lot of things that I regret. For example, I want to talk with everyone much more. I want to learn more in Chinese language. I want to play badminton more because my weight has gone up. I want to attend more on lectures. I want to look happy every day because I don’t want to make others worry about me. I want to spend more time with everyone.

“…I wonder how…
I wonder why…
I wonder where they are…
The days we had the songs we sang together…”

Although traveling is not my favorite activity, it helps me find great places to take photos. Every places I went and every persons I met are new and good experiences for me. I have to say thanks to all staff who work harder to create the best moments for us. These memories would not happen, if I hadn’t got you.

Special thanks to four managers and four supervisors…

First, a general manager is person who manages and controls overall memories. He’s so serious in work time but so funny in free time. The day before traveling I called and chatted him so many times because of my misunderstanding. So, I would like to say sorry and thanks for his kind help. I am impressed in him and so proud of him. He likes a Doraemon who can give us anything that we need even forks!

Second, a service manager is right-hand woman who assists the general manager and takes care all experts and participants. She’s so cute and friendly. I like the sound of her laugh so much. She likes a kind mother. I feel comforted every time I had her. Thank her for every smile and words to me.

Furthermore, both of them are so nice to me. I need to explain something to them. Naturally, I'm a sensitive person and I cannot keep emotion in my mind. All feelings were existed on my face but it doesn't out of my mouth. I would like to apologize for making them worry. I'm so appreciate their care and concern about me. The reason is that I just think too much. That’s all.

Third, a technical manager is person who usually ask me about SIM card, take photos in weekends, stay at lounge room and lie to me. He’s talkative and like to joke everyone. I would like to thank to him for make me smile and angry at the same time.

Forth, a secret manager is person who you normally see her in some places such as cafeteria or bus. It’s hard to find her. If you meet her, she will say hello and smile to you. I hope we will have a chance to say hello again.

Fifth, the international supervisor is person who translates Chinese to English for us. At the beginning, I called her name wrong. I really sorry for my mistake. I’m glad to listen her sound.

Sixth, the first general supervisor is person who picked me up at the airport. When he found me, he helped me to take the big luggage. It’s the first impression! The kingdom is so far from the airport, so we had time to talk in the van. Thank him for making me feel comfortable.

Seventh, the second general supervisor is person who ran up the dorm to call me in the first day because I were late. He also takes photos in weekdays and helps us anything that he can. Lastly, He sent me to the airport so he’s the last person that I met. Please pick me up in the next trip =)

The last one, the third general supervisor, is the flag holder and Chinese teacher. He is also the photographer in Yunnan. We had dinner in the same table at the first day and the last day. He always wants to do perfect in his job so you can see his worried face in many times. He’s so quiet but he cares everyone. I’m sorry to disturb him a lot. Thanks to him for trying to make me smile when I’m sad.

In addition, all the general supervisors also take care and support all of us. Frequently, I was walking, then they told me ‘hurry up’ ‘follow up’ or ‘be quick’. That make me think up ‘Why you are so serious’ ‘I want more time to see everything around me’ but I understand they’re doing their best. Thank you all again…

“…Overseas from coast to coast…
To find the place I love the most…
Where the fields are green...
To see you once again… My love…”

You may be wondering why I don't tell any bad things about seminar organization and management. I think nothing is too bad, everything is acceptable. Your work is perfect for me. Another reason, almost bad things come from external factors. It's not anyone's fault but it's just weird for me. For example, the toilets' design in many places are not comfortable. The best toilet is in our dorm!

By the way, almost all time in these memories, I'm so happy. It started from everyone didn’t know each other but now I know you and you know me. We like a big family that I became one member of this family. However, I'm sorry for my bad habits such as naughtiness, laziness, short attention, tardiness, unpunctuality, etc. If I made you angry, please forgive me.

The worst part of these memories is the time I’m going out. It attacks my heart very much. The last time I saw you still running through my head. A few days before I went back, I dreamed I already home and I’m so sad. Now the dream comes true.

The memories consist of people and places…

When I think of you or the places, it reminds me of feelings at each moments. I always smile and miss you when I think of the time we spent together. Sadly, everything in the past couldn't happen again and these memories cannot remain forever. We can think we are just friends that met in short time. In the future, we may forget each other someday. The memories will be gone and become just the past.

I usually think like this when I met new people and this thought make me not brave to meet new people. I don't want to feel sad when someone went out of my life. I don't know how long we keep these memories. I don't want to miss someone anymore. It's agonize. That made me become a highly dramatic and introverted person.

I know that no one can stay together forever. We have met then we have to say goodbye and leave our memories behind. Someone may forget me, someone may not. Everyone has their own path and our life must go on. That’s the way it is. I only hope the feeling doesn't fade away.

How about you?

Finally, I sincerely hope I will see you again and then we can make more memory together. Be well, do good work, and keep in touch. I’ll miss you until we meet again. The memory will keep us together…

“到过我们生活中的东西 即使不见了…

会回来成为我们生活中的一部分的”

With Love,

Arun Satitpongsataporn (阿荣)