กรรมฐานที่มิชิแกน 

๑ - ๑๔ มิถุนายน ๒๕๕๔

The concept of meditation is a simple one: be mindful of what one is doing, especially during formal meditation, in order to train oneself to be mindful in everyday life. Paa Dtuk taught meditation as a delicate combination of concentration and mindfulness. I began my practice using “mental notes,” words that my mind could concentrate on as I stood, walked, sat, or laid down. At the beginning of the retreat, my progress was slow. It seemed as if I had never truly walked or sat still, as if I had never truly been aware of my actions or thoughts. I felt this way even though I had walked every day for the past twenty years, and I had breathed every second of my life. When I first did lying meditation, I would often be overcome with drowsiness since my concentration was not strong enough to keep me alert in that position. It took the first three days to review all that I had learned in past meditation experiences and to reach the point where I had previously stopped. After about four days, I was able to focus on the act of moving or breathing themselves without the aid of words. My concentration and mindfulness were becoming stronger.

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I began the retreat waking up at six in the morning. Thereafter, I awoke half an hour earlier until I woke at four a.m. each day. At this early hour, my mind was surprisingly clear and refreshed as I meditated. While mornings were a time of particular clarity, in general Paa Dtuk’s house provided me as a meditator with a haven free from outside worries and distracting interactions with others. Other than three meals, my days were spent alternating between standing, walking, sitting, and lying meditation. While doing the formal meditation, I had to learn how to be mindful when I walked and observed my breathing. As I meditated, my mind wandered from the task at hand, and I would return to my breathing or following the steps of my walking. I repeated this process of following my mind and bringing it back over and over, as if I was chasing a puppy that would not sit still. I had to bring my mind back constantly: I was always thinking about something in the future that I was worried about, an event in the past, or some random speculation. It took effort to keep bringing my mind back to the present moment. Pa Dtuk said that this was normal, as it is the mind’s duty to think.

I gradually increased my time until I was alternating between one hour of walking meditation and one hour of sitting meditation. Over the two weeks, I was able to catch my thoughts faster and faster, until the day came when I could sense a thought forming and stop that thought before it arose. Towards the end of my stay, I was differentiating between the thoughts that arose in my mind and my actual self. When I brought my mind to that calm self that was not overcome by thoughts, I was not desiring something or disliking something. Free from want and attachment, my mind was free from suffering. By extinguishing suffering, happiness arose. During meditation, I felt a peacefulness and happiness that was deep and serene.